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dealt with pain

How I Dealt With The Pain at 23

I still remember my mom’s words when I broke the news of my pregnancy and my intended married at age 20.

Any mother would be ecstatic knowing their grandmother role was months away. She was, but she had her reservations. I, her only child and with my great potentials of becoming an amazing nurse; was I going to put all that on hold? Seeing me pregnant and starting a family would shift my course and that worried her. Still, she gave her blessings.

Timothy, my sweetheart and I took the next step and in three years, we had 2 kids and a home to be thankful for until that day…

News of my husband’s death didn’t only shatter me; it sent me to a near-suicidal mode. A week after his death, it became clear to me; I am a widow with two kids, no job and no degree, just me.

Reality dawned on me and my mom’s words came back to me; got me thinking, ‘What would life have been like if I had ditched marriage for my dreams?’ ‘What if I never got to meet Tim at all?’ Then maybe, I wouldn’t be here right now. 

Thoughts of regret and second-guessing my decisions were quelled when my mom sat with me and then she says;

“Everything that happens in life is always for a reason. You and Tim were meant to be and although life took away the beautiful years ahead, you must never regret the decision you made going forward. It’s time to accept, turn a new leaf and move on Nancy.”

For weeks, her words rang in my ear. In my nights of tears, I became inspired to beat the pain;

First, I needed to ACCEPT that Tim was gone and I had no lover to lean on. My kids were now my responsibility and they were leaning on me, so wallowing in sorrow wasn’t going to cut it. I had to rise up to the occasion and recover my sanity.

Next, it was time to TURN A NEW LEAF; not necessarily loving again, but fulfilling my dreams. The family would always come first, but it was time to be the best at what I knew how to do best; Nursing. A part-time job and schooling would be the perfect escape from worries and independence helped me prioritise my goals.

Finally, I MOVED ON. I didn’t let widowhood slow me down. I didn’t crumble from the pain even though I still feel the aches sometimes; I picked myself up. You must never use pain to pull back your dreams, let it push away the pain and open your eyes to the amazing things around you.